I am Judgemental

I have a confession to make. I don’t like it, in fact I am ashamed of it. When I think it I can’t believe that a ‘saved good Christian’ can think this kind of thing. Here it is Fat people make me sick. I always wonder why don’t they eat less or exercise more. I am not talking about that mid-life 20 pounds I am talking about people who are just fat. Even as I write this I can’t believe I would tell others about this. What must people think of me? I would think that I was an ass. In fact I am appalled by the thoughts that run through my head. Why do I find it so hard to see the inside of a person? Aren’t they a kind loving Godly person?

I don’t think that Christians are really that much different in thought from non-Christians. We all struggle with the same things. Christians seem to hide it better or control their actions. Now I know that there are lots of examples of Christians just hiding the fact that they sin. There are lots of examples of high profile Christians finally being caught and tarnishing the name of Christians further.

In his book Blue Like Jazz, Donald Miller speaks of the ‘life boat mentality.’ We are looking for reasons to put ourselves above other people so we can prove to ourselves that we are more worthy to be in the life boat than the other. When I think these things I am looking for reasons to keep myself in the life boat over others.

I don’t want to be one of those Christians. I don’t want to further injure the opinion of Christians in society. I want my life to be transformed so that I am not judgemental. I suppose that part of me desire to stop this type of thinking is shown here. Now I have acknowledged it and am responsible to you for it. Thanks.

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~ by curtismchale on November 18, 2007.

18 Responses to “I am Judgemental”

  1. Oh this is very honest and sweet. We all have things like this that we ‘mostly’ try to hide. The fact that you are aware of your own difficult judgements is really very admirable. I believe no matter what faith we practice, being able to take an honest stock of yourself, and finding the will to change what can be changed is the way to wisdom. So good on you for this post, and the way you think about others as described here. I have heard that the last acceptable prejudice is against the obese. By starting conversations and spreading insights like the one you’ve penned here, lets hope fat phobia’s become less and less prevelant.

  2. Thanks for the encouragement. It is easy for me to let my failings discourage me.

  3. have you heard of the new book Brown Like Coffee at brownlikecoffee.com ?

  4. as i read your blog i think you and your friends might enjoy reading a new book just out: Brown Like Coffee. i found it at brownlikecoffee.com

  5. Hey, guess what? Not all fat people can control it by “just eating less” and/or “exercising more”. There are a myriad of health problems that can cause obesity, such as thyroid problems, slow metabolism and bone and joint problems to name a few. Also, some medications cause unwanted weight gain that’s next to impossible to loose, no matter how healthy a diet the person on them eats. There’s also, to a point, genetics coming into play. Maybe you should remember these things the next time a fat person makes you “sick”. Maybe that person truly IS sick and can’t help but carry extra weight because of it.

    And you can’t know that unless you know the person. How would you feel if someone admitted to you making them sick because of what they percieve to be a physical “flaw”?

    Yes, it’s good for you to be honest about this so you can work on changing your viewpoint. But I would never call this post, as someone else did, ‘sweet’. There’s NOTHING sweet about judging someone based only on their weight.

    I do apologize if this sounds as if I’m attacking you, because I’m not trying to do that. I am, however, trying to point out that there’s just too much you don’t know to make such a hurtful judgement on roughly 60% of the American population.

    • dude! this writter had enough balls to write about a natural thought that goes through many people’s mind. everybody judges. everybody. if you say you dont then youre lying to yourself and others. this writter is monitoring their thoughts and actually saying “hmmm. thats not a healthy thought. i want to do something about this.” they’re not just laughing at and saying “yeah! look at how fat they are!”

  6. Hazel:
    I agree that my judgemental thoughts are a bad thing. I was just trying to be honest and hopefully work to purge myself of the problem. The first step is admitting it.

  7. I’m not sure Noelle understood your post. You, yourself were acknowledging that disliking fat people is not a good thing. I think your honesty is wonderful. There is not one person alive who doesn’t have thoughts like this about something.

  8. Thanks.

  9. Yep, you’re an ass.

    I’d point you to some resources about weight and health and wellness and the fact that the human body is not a bunsen burner, but I get the feeling you’re just a lost cause. Plus, if you really cared about being “nice” and “godly” and “whatthefuckever” you’d do your own goddam research about the subject of fat and health.

  10. I find your honesty refreshing. My husband used to feel this way and I was appalled – but I wasn’t about to admit my judgmentalism. Now that he and I are about 40 pounds heavier, we see it all a little differently. We all judge others. I’ve learned from an old friend, “we all have warts, it’s best to try to look past them.”

  11. Thanks for the understanding Michelle. I to am looking at the fact of weight gain as I edge closer to 35. I still struggle but prayer does help heal my broken mind.

  12. I am going to try to give you some advice on how to change your thinking on this. I won’t engage in namecalling or telling you that you are a bad person, because those things don’t help.

    Remember that every person you see who is fat is still a person, an individual with a heart and mind, just like you have. Regardless of their reasons for being fat, and those reasons can be manifold, they are still human beings worthy of love and respect.

    My first question to you is, do you view smokers as disgusting people? Smokers actively engage in a behavior that harms themselves and others, yet you wouldn’t know it just to look at them unless you saw them engaged in smoking.

    Body fat is just adipose tissue, something God created to help us get through times of famine, to help women have babies, to help us avoid osteoporosis, and to protect the elderly from breaking bones when they fall.

    Some people in our modern times have a lot of this tissue. It’s partially a sign of progress; people are well-fed enough to become the size their genes would like them to be, without a famine to eliminate the fat. I would call this situation also a blessing, not a curse. I would much rather be fat than endure famine, and I am grateful that I am privileged in this way.

    Some people are fat due to medical conditions, as well. Consider my aunt, who developed such severe arthritis that she could not even walk without agony. Her condition went undiagnosed and untreated until it had destroyed the cartilage in her knees. If she stood, bone ground upon bone, creating fragments and more agony. Because doctors saw her fat tissue as the problem, the auto-immune disorder (rheumatoid arthritis) was allowed to ravage her body until it nearly killed her. She got treatment in the nick of time, and received knee replacements. She is able to exercise and have a relatively normal life now, but was not able to do so before her disease was treated. You would have looked at her and thought, in disgust, “Why doesn’t she eat less and exercise more?” Well, now you know why. She didn’t eat that much to begin with, by the way, due to poverty–she couldn’t work.

    Others of us have thyroid disease, PCOS, or are on weight-promoting medications (all three, in my case). Even so, I don’t believe that someone should need a “free pass” for being fat. Every person, regardless of their reasons for being fat, is a child of God, and is deserving of love and respect.

    I would also recommend reading the following article by Gina Kolata, which explains research that shows how well diets don’t work. It might seem simple, and many people think it IS simple, but eating less and exercising more really doesn’t necessarily reduce a person’s body size. Being active IS good for a person’s health, but if it’s only done with the goal of weight loss, people will be sorely disappointed and stop being active, which is unfortunate.

    http://www.nytimes.com/2007/05/08/health/08fat.html

  13. So many fat people have this secret fear that going out, living our lives, doing anything, and especially being happy is just going to draw massive amounts of disgust from total strangers. Imagine it, every time you go out on public, worrying that people will see you as not a human being, but a walking, talking heap of dog shit, because you’re too fat for them to have any sympathy and human feeling.

    Doesn’t that just fill you with energy? Doesn’t it make you want to rush out and exercise, knowing that if you don’t lose weight from exercising, no one else will think you’re doing a good or valuable thing, and if you do, but it isn’t enough to get thin, strangers will still see you as a disgusting fat monster? Doesn’t it make you want to pick a nice, healthy vegetable soup for lunch, knowing that those around you all think they have the right to judge you for every bite, and the fact that you’re fat makes every bite a failure?

    It was very brave and sweet of you to confirm these fears. Thank you for reminding me how many people take one look and see me as disgusting and subhuman.

  14. i think it really stems from two things: one is fear, fear that if it happened to them, it can happen to me. and two, powerless to change them causes anger. i feel bad for them and wish they could be different, but i have no control of them and cannot change them. this in turn creates anger and disgust towards them. obesity stems from a spiritual deficit and a need to avoid painful feelings. i, myself, am a recovering alcoholic and drank instead of eating to fill that hole in my heart. God has filled that through Alcoholic Anonymous. Overeaters Anonymous can help them find a spiritual solution to their problem, which is not theit eating, but themselves.

  15. I appreciate your honesty even though it was a mean thing to admit. Many people have the same things running through their mind, be it overweight people, homosexuals, women who dress provacatively, skin color, etc. I think it was brave of you to put yourself out there and say it, and basically ask for help to correct this negative thinking as many people lie and say they would never have such thoughts. -And maybe they don’t but I think more people do and hide their thoughts than those who truly do not. But that may just be me being judgemental and thinking everyone else is just as judgemental as I am?? I don’t know.

    I’m sorry people have got on here to attack you as I really don’t think that’s how you meant it.

    • Thanks. I’ve got a thick skin so the attacks don’t really bother me. It’s easy to attack people in internet land where you don’t actually have to know them. It’s also easy to be misunderstood since text doesn’t convey the full meaning of the thoughts.

  16. Do not be ashamed of your thoughts, it is often difficult, if not impossible to control ones thoughts and it is nothing to be ashamed of.

    Alot of people are focusing on just one of your comments here in regard to fat people, and missing the point of what you said. Many people have thoughts like you do, it is human nature to compare ‘us’ and ‘them’ it is infact part of our biological make up and something that has protected us in the past from danger. (being disguted by foul smells for instance protects us from disease)

    I too suffer from judgemental thoughts, and it is something I am working on changing, one method is heartfull meditation, thinking about a person who disgusts you and then putting yourself in thier place, or just sending out thoughts of love to them.

    God is all forgiving and infinitly understanding, we cannot begin to comprehend his overall plan, and he will never judge you, so try not to judge yourself, and forgive yourself if you find you are having undesirable thoughts.

    To those who are attacking this person because he was simply being honest, I would ask you to look back on your own lives and contemplate the times you have had similar thoughts and feelings, I doubt any one of you is able to say you have never experienced them.

    In essence, forgive yourself, and continue to work towards a loving and caring nature. I think it is a very brave thing you have done by addmiting and sharing your experience with us, and nobody can stand in judgement of you but god himself, remember that.

    God bless you all 🙂

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